Opening doors

Today is July 26th, 2014.

I remember sitting in a Starbucks with my girlfriend at the time when I decided to jump into making this blog.  I wrote my first post/article on April 21, 2013, titled, How I Got HereI felt so ready to help others that were also lost and not sure what to do next.  At the time my goals was to teach others what I learned in my time creating myself.  I was ready that time, or at least I thought I was to start sharing with other.  For those that don’t know me personally, I’m a very private person when it comes to my personal life.  One of the reasons why I was lost for so long, it is also one of the reason I’m writing this post today.

What I thought at the time was that I needed to teach or give people information.  However I was so wrong.  That isn’t who I am.  I don’t really have a passion to tell people to eat these carbs or read this book.  Oddly enough when I started this blog I was even more off track than ever before.  When I look back at that time, I’m a bit sadden but at the same time I’m so excited to know where I am at this moment.  I’m sure a year or two from now I may feel and think the same thing about this post.

At the time I felt so confident that I knew what to do, and how to help people change their lives.  To be honest I was actually doing that.  Some of them not for the better, maybe even myself.  Today’s post is more of an awakening and also a shift in what this blog and website will be going forward.  It is also a shift in the path of my life.  One thing I’m proud of, more than anything about who I am, is that I’m an independent thinker.  I’m the person that I created today, because I naturally think first about how everything is happening.  How does something impact me and whether it aligns with who I am, is it really the right thing and so on.  That doesn’t mean that I’m always doing right, I believe I’m actually wrong most the time, just like I was at the end of 2012 and beginning of 2013.

I’m here now and the past 5 months have been the most amazing and hurtful 5 months of my life.  I learned so much about going deeper into thought and understand my own feelings.  Feelings for most people are the first reaction they have.  For me that is not the case.  I always think first.  Most cases a feeling never even comes to mind.  Because my feelings don’t register right away, I’ve had  issues with vulnerability because of being unaware with my feelings which cause a lot of distress in my relationship.

I’m proud that I analyze myself.  Because of that I’m here now.  I understand how my actions make me feel, and how they make others feel.  I’m learning more each day on how to recognize my feelings.  I also understand now that sharing is my gift, not telling.  I held so many burdens in life before and now I just realize, I just have to be vulnerable with my thoughts, feelings, and emotions and just share them with those close to me and the world.

Once I realized this I felt lighter and more certain.  I also realized that now I have more responsibility.  I opened a new door.  New doors are always progress however they also lead to many many more doors.   Which means the future will be even more complicated and challenging.  That is exactly what I want and exactly what I’m feeling right now.  I want to know that I matter.  That I made a difference, in something anything.   I want to know that I am the reason a person smiles.  I can’t jus t sit back and wait.  That isn’t who I am.  I’m a pace-setter and as I write this I realized that, that is the reason why I had her soul.

Going forward this blog/website is my place to share my life experience.  Where my attempts failed or where I became a victor.  Everything I share is personal and something that has happened or recently happened to me. I will share two minutes videos each week and continue my positive Thursday, Two Dots is my motto on life.  I will also share more detailed post like this one.  My intentions for these posts are almost selfish.  They are for me.  They are method of me being more vulnerable.  However maybe they can also impact you!

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